By Marilyn Prasow
not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,
that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable
and perfect” (Romans 12:2)
This is the greatest
victory I have had in all my life. People have prayed, I prayed, but nothing
ever seemed to happen until now.
This is what
happened to me previously: I had emotional problems that began when my mother
died in 1958. I was 17-years old. She had been in so much pain that they cut
her spinal nerves, and as a result, my mother became a paraplegic. She didn’t
want to be in a wheelchair, and so she willed herself to die. She took no food,
water, and would not take IV’s or anything else.
I was very depressed
and took an overdose after I graduated from high school. But I recovered, and
then at age 18, I entered college and completed nursing school in 1962. When I
was 21, I took the State Board exams and obtained my first nursing job even
before I had passed my exams. The board exams were three days of testing. I
remember it was in the heat of summer in downtown Los Angeles. It was the Lord
that helped me through them, even though I did not know that at the time.
I was working in the
UCLA Emergency Room as a registered nurse in 1964. At this time, my emotional
problems were becoming worse. At the age of 25, my depression caused me to
overdose several times. I wanted to die, and from one overdose, I really did
almost die. I was on a respirator for 5-days. The psychiatrist said it was my
“strong will” that kept me alive, but I now know it was the Lord.
My depression was
deepened by the words of my grandmother. She blamed me for my mother’s death.
She told me those words at the funeral service. Years later, my Dad, a wealthy
brilliant man, a PhD, shot himself. And then the final blow came when my
stepmother told me that she blamed me for my father’s suicide. This was all too
much for me to handle.
Every time I was
hospitalized, doctors gave me a different label. I somehow always managed to
work during those years. If I lost one job, I got another. I went to a Billy
Graham Crusade during nursing school (just to get my roommate off my back).
This was at Wheaton College in Peoria, Illinois, and it was 5-degrees below
zero. I didn’t go forward at the alter call invitation. All through those
years, until 1993, I looked for the loving Jesus that Billy Graham talked
about. I went to a lot of churches, but didn’t find Him there.
In March 1993, I had
a personal experience with the Lord. I told Him, “If you heal me, I’ll go
wherever you want, for as long as you want.” There was a healing, but it proved
to be temporary. I knew I had been born again, though I didn’t know what it was
all about. I went to a church where they understood my conversion, but I didn’t
speak in tongues like they did. I was baptized there and stayed for a couple of
years. I stopped OD’ing and knew He was in control. I wasn’t going to take His
job in taking my life. My life now belonged to Jesus Christ.
psychiatric problems continued – I was loud and boisterous and didn’t know why,
just like a little kid. I had a fear of witnessing about Jesus because I
thought others would condemn me. My life became a time of going in-and-out of
convalescent homes. I was a poor listener and was diagnosed as a “Bipolar Manic
Depressive, caused by a chemical imbalance.” My temper kept flaring.
I would pray to the
Lord about it, like “Lord, control my temper,” but it didn’t go away. I started
“journaling” (writing about it) which helped some. I was having troubles in
convalescent homes, such as the one where I refused my medication because I
could tell it was toxic for me.
I did a lot of
praying. Then, I was transferred to a mental convalescent home. My personal
things were stolen more than once and I couldn’t get them back, though the Lord
still supplied all my needs. The old habits continued and I couldn’t figure it
out. Friends prayed, churches prayed, but nothing changed.
Then, I was
diagnosed with breast cancer. I had surgery – a radical mastectomy. They
couldn’t do radiation because the tumor was too deep. The doctor discontinued
my psychiatric medications. The first night I couldn’t sleep. A couple of days
went by and my appetite dropped (I had thought I was a compulsive overeater).
For 24 hours, I had no appetite. The doctor still did not reorder my
It seems prayers
were answered now. I feel great. I am better mentally and emotionally. I have
no desire to complain. I am no longer demanding. I came home from the hospital
and have continued to improve. I am not boisterous or loud. It’s such a
surprise – I am cool, calm and collected. Amazingly, I can now witness with
boldness, not with fear as before. I witnessed about the Lord to one lady for
two days. I am not afraid to mention Him. Everything is different now.
noticing the change. I want to glorify Jesus in this. One day, I was on a
stretcher looking at a nurse, who snapped, “What are you looking at?” And I
replied, “Just looking at your pretty smile.”
One of the nurses
wanted to learn about the Lord, so I told her about Him and gave her a Bible.
People come to me now. My spiritual life has improved and I’m studying like
never before. I “journal” my prayers and pray through every day, in the power
of the Holy Spirit. The Lord has changed my whole personality. I praise Him
constantly. I don’t get irritable anymore. It’s like day and night; I’ve
changed so much.
This new change in
me all happened in September 2001, and I praise God, who is healing me. I have
suffered from chronic bladder disease, have been in a wheelchair off-and-on for
four years, they replaced my knee with a plastic joint and I had renal failure
in 2000, which was partially healed with steroids. I just had additional
surgery in relation to my breast cancer. But none of that matters now.
Also I’ve lost 1/3
of my weight from a whopping 314 pounds, since that fateful day the doctor took
me off psych meds. Sometimes medication is necessary, and currently I am taking
some now, as prescribed by the doctors, but much less than before.
Before the change in
my meds, when I talked about the Lord, I would just tell people they’d “go to
hell.” Not anymore. I thought I had peace before, but it’s amazing what the
Lord can do. I am ready to write the book that has been on my heart for such a
long time: “The Peace That Passes All Understanding.”
Jesus Christ is renewing my mind, my heart and my life.
Write to me through
Especially For You
Friday Study Ministries, Inc.