With approval & permission, this includes some general information from
NEW HOPE GRIEF SUPPORT HANDBOOKS
"Blessed are they who mourn for they
shall be comforted"
Grieving stages/phases to the
loss of a loved one, other losses or change.
4 Tasks of
Accept the Reality of a Loss
Experience the Pain of Grief
To Adjust to an
which the Deceased is Missing
Emotional Energy and
What is Grief?
What is Mourning?
Grief is the
response brought about by loss or change. It is not just the loss
of a loved one, but also from the changes in our lives, such as
divorce, moving, changing a job or career, as well as situational
changes. The difficulty in overcoming the effects of grief depends
on the nature and depth of the loss. To feel and experience grief
after the loss of someone we love and care for is normal, natural,
and expected. It is a normal human reaction to loss or change.
Grieving is done in a wide variety of ways involving the four (4)
dimensions of our lives: mental, social, spiritual & physical
recognized by psychiatry as a normal and necessary reaction to
loss of someone we love. There are very complex reactions
accompanied by a wide range of contradictory emotions and
the wide variety of behaviors and variety of human responses,
grieving persons are often surprised, bewildered and perplexed by
their seeming inability to recover or “feel normal.” Prior
normal coping skills that enabled them to
"handle' emotional or stressful crisis in the past, now are somehow ineffective. The
consequences are additional feelings of frustration, depression
and even despair as their lives become increasingly dysfunctional.
Grief often surfaces as the underlying cause of various physical
and mental aberrations. People seek physical and mental health
care without necessarily recognizing that there may be a grief
issue underlying their particular physical and mental condition.
Aaron Lazare, a psychiatrist at the Massachusetts General
Hospital, estimates that 10-15% of the people who pass through the
mental health clinics at the Massachusetts General Hospital have
underneath their particular psychological condition, an unresolved
grief reaction (Lazare, 1979).
who suffer a loss, experience one or more of the following:
of the loss along with feelings of shock and numbness. “I can’t
believe he is gone!”
of sadness, sorrow, emptiness and loss of meaning as well as
purpose in life.
yet difficulty concentrating. Aimless wandering, unfinished tasks,
memories of the deceased person along with intense preoccupation
of the life of the loved one.
Strong need to
remember, relive, tell and retell memories of the loved one, often
of the event and experiences related to, or associated with the
dreams about the loved one, sometimes of nightmarish quality.
eating either increased or decreased appetite.
uncontrollable need to cry, often at unexpected or awkward times.
with the deceased person, sometimes assuming traits and mannerisms
of the deceased.
about or feelings of loss, no matter how desperate we are, to
protect others who w\seem uncomfortable around us.
A sense of
feeling the deceased person present in the room or nearby. Even
hallucinations of seeing the person occur for some grieving
in the throat stomach, or chest pain, shortness of breath, a need
for signing deep and often, and empty feeling in the abdomen,
decreased muscle strength, increased weariness, exhaustion and
lack of energy.
The personal experience of loss or
emotional reactions, stages or phases that the grieving person
will experience following the death of the loved one.
reactions, stages, or phases of grief:
person will experience these perhaps some but not all and not in
any order. Grieving persons will revisit the emotional reactions
to their loss many times over during the acute phase of their
loss, in the first few years post-death of their loved one. Acute,
raw grief endures for 1-2 years or a bit longer. One never gets
over the death of a loved one but can get through it with the help
of grief support groups. In the event of a person feeling “stuck”
or prolonged in their grief, the help of professional counseling
must be sought out.
person needs to know and rehearse often:
In your grief
You are not going
for Caring Friends of the Grieving Person
need you to just listen to me whatever I may be saying, and to
accept me however I may be acting.
I do not
need your advice right now; I need your supportive listening.
ask you to listen to me I need you to not say that I shouldn’t
feel this way, that is trampling on my fragile feelings.
Rejecting my feelings is rejecting me.
strange as it may seem, when I ask you to listen to me &
you try to solve my problems, you have failed to help me.
I am not
helpless during this time of loss and grieving. I may be
discouraged, and faltering but not helpless. Doing something
that I can and should be doing for myself contributes to my
fears and feelings of inadequacy plus increases my sense of
share with me your positive memories and experiences of my loved
one, even if it makes me cry. This is good for me.
irrational feelings and awkward moments will make sense to you
when you understand that this is how I am feeing, no matter how
irrational they may seem to you.
no magic words you could say, so relax and just let me be the
grieving person I need to be.
works wonderfully for the grieving person – God is my great
Helping Grieving People
your genuine caring, emotions and concern show freely.
available to listen, run errands, help with the Children or
any other felt need that will be supportive help for the
you are sorry about what happened to their loved one and
about their pain.
allow the grieving person to express as much grief as they
are feeling at the moment and are willing to share.
talk about the special endearing qualities of the person
they have lost.
give special attention to the members of the family at the
funeral, and in the months to come. They are hurting also
just as the grieving person.
avoid the grieving persona because of your own awkwardness
or sense of helplessness.
allow your own grief for the loss of the person to cause you
to avoid the grieving person.
say “I know how you feel.”
offer solutions of the replacement to them (they can always
have another child or get married again).
avoid using the deceased person’s name because it may cause
them to cry. Crying is normal, healthy, reaction of loss.
try to offer a positive reason for the death of the person.
information, you can contact New Hope Grief Support Community
Grief Support Community
P.O. Box 8057
Long Beach, California 90808
Support Handbooks are available. Contact New Hope Grief Support Community
THE COMPLETE PERSON - AREAS FOR DEVELOPMENT
Look for healthy/unhealthy responses, reactions and/or excessive
behaviors through your grief journey
NEEDS OF PEOPLE
* Need to love and be loved
* Need to belong and have a sense of community
* Need to give and receive
* Avoid isolation - Take the risk to reach out
* Give yourself permission to feel
* Express emotions naturally
Diagram by Gen and Ron Beckham
Books and Booklets:
Bible, The Old and New Testament
Good Grief -
by Granger E. Westberg, - Fortress Press
Grief Support Handbooks for adults and children – Contact
Sue Beeney at New Hope Grief Support Community, PO Box 8057 , Long Beach , CA 90808 / 562-429-0075
Widow To Widow
Genevieve Davis Ginsburg, M.S., - Fisher Books
the Other Side of Grief
by Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge, R.N., Ed.D. and Robert De
Vries, D.Min., Ph.D, - Baker Books
A Grace Disguised by Gerald Sittser, Zondervan Publishing House
A Grief Observed
– by C. S. Lewis, - HarperCollins
Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy by J. William Worden, Ph.D.
Roses in December by
Marilyn Willett Heavilin, - Thomas Nelson Publishers
December’s Song by Marilyn
Willett Heavilin, - Thomas Nelson Publishers
Let Me Grieve But Not Forever by Verdell
Davis, - Word Publishing
When God Doesn’t Make Sense by Dr. James Dobson, Tyndale House
Lightposts for Living
– by Thomas Kinkade, Warner Books, (also in Audio Book)
A Step Further by Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes, - Zondervan Publishing
Overcoming Loneliness by David
Jeremiah, - Thomas Nelson Publishers
You Gotta Keep Dancin’ by
Tim Hansel, Chariot Victor Publishing
Care Notes Pamphlets by One Caring Place, Abbey Press
When Bad Things Happen to Good
People by Harold Kushner, Avon Books
When Going to Pieces Holds You Together: You
can Find Healing When You Allow Yourself To Grieve - by William
Miller, Augsburg Publishing House
Healing Grief by Amy Hillyard, Medic Publishing
Healing a Father’s Grief by
William H. Schatz, Medic Publishing 1-206-881-2883
Devotions for Morning and Evening
with Mrs. Charles E. Cowman – containing Streams in the
Desert and Springs in the Valley by Inspirational Press
The Bereaved Parent by Harriot Sarnoff Schiff, Crown
Publishers & Penquin
Living When a Loved One Has Died by Earl Grollman, Bekin Press
Your Grief: You Are Not Going Crazy – by MADD
A Man Called Peter – by
A Gift of Hope: How We Survive Our Tragedies by Robert Veninga, Ballantine Books
– A monthly publication and
literature by Hospice Foundation of
Grief: A Climb Toward Understanding
A book on the death of a child and
valuable bereavement information.
Good Grief For Life’s Love Lost
by St. Mark’s-in-the-Valley Episcopal Church, Los Olivos , CA -
Lucky Canyon Publishing –
Ziglar - Confessions of a Grieving Christian,
- Thomas Nelson Word
Shadowlands – Based on the
true story of C. S. Lewis
Picking Up The Pieces
produced videos titled
and “Working Through Your Grief”
Available through Luyben
Family Mortuaries – 562-425-6401
The Compassionate Friends, Oak Brook
international support group for bereaved parents, grandparents and
Umbrella Ministries – Support
for parents who grieve the loss a child for any reason. Daisy
Cathchings – 1-760-328-7142
Grief Resources – Bill
Hoy – 562-430-8405 – Support resources, seminars and training.
Friday Study Ministries
– The First Church on the Net - Spiritual support & resources -
- Agent Orange Widows Awareness
New Hope Grief Support Community
– Sue Beeney
/ PO Box 8057,
Long Beach, CA 90808
Stepping Stones Ministries - Personalized memorial stepping
stones – Cathi Corgiat –209-551-8347
MADD, Mothers of Drunk Drivers – based in Texas
Philippian Ministries – in Texas – 1-214-343-8093